i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
