I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I supernannyed him into submission
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
