he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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