I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
