Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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