You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
