We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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