we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
