yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
