i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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