how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
