I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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