I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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