She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
