The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
