I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
