I heard we made out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
