im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
