Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
