my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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