and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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