Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am available for nakedness
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
