I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
