pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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