I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
