I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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