how hairy? two words: wookie tits
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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