Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
