Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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