Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
