help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
