At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
