3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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