I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
