saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
