she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
