it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
