just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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