I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
