lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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