im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
wanna go halves on a baby?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
