If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
