we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The best revenge is premature balding
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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