Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
