Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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