Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
