Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
