There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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