yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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