oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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