:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
