Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
