you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
